Time to join a convent

My experience in breaking up has been about 50/50. I have dumped and been dumped. I don't really think I'd call this a dumping though. Mainly because I've been crying my heart out all morning. Of coarse, I didn't cry at all yesterday, but I haven't slept in two nights. I was numb to it at first. Plus he had said that he was going to call and keep calling. He did call on his lunch yesterday but not last night. I know that that is how it should be. But that's when it home for me. It's really over.
My past break ups were different. Sure I had some beg, plead, and cry for me to take them back. But I didn't love them and it was easy for me to move on. There was one, when I hung up the phone; I actually danced around the room because I was so happy to have it over. That was my first adult break up. Hey, when it's not right, it's not right.
It took everything I had not to call or send him a text last night. Now, I am second guessing myself. I didn't think it would be this hard. I mean, it's not like I should miss him. He's hasn't been here anyway. The other odd thing is that I am angry with him this morning. I so want to yell and scream at him right now. But I can't stop crying long enough to say anything. My head is spinning. My heart is torn apart. I am a fucking mess.