A little vodka and orange juice
Every relationship will hit rough patches. BR and I have had a few and made it through them. We've passed the 6 month mark and everything seemed good, but now things seem to have gotten heavy. It's not that I don't think we can make it through this also, but it's different.
On his last visit we heard from numerous people that we should get married. I've also been told that I can't use his age an excuse anymore. I was informed that I could be dating a 40 year old that wasn't ready for things in life that I am, and it's very true. Problem being that I am ready for a family. Huge weight to put on any new relationship, and yes, I consider 6 months still new. He and I talked about it, and yes, he does want to marry me, in 3 years. That puts me at 35 going on 36. You know that line about the biological clock?!
I don't want to put any more pressure on him right now, but I really don't want to wait 3 years, but I also don't want to be with anyone else. Am I making any sense? He got enough grief about it from everyone on his visit that he's pulled way back. He has "things" that he wants to take care of first. It's not as though he doesn't love me, he does, and that’s got nothing to with it. He still calls and he still tells me he loves me. But it's like he's going through the motions because he feels like he has to. It's very different. I've told him that I feel the distance this time and he blew it off, but it's there.
So, I have to relieve the pressure on him. I was told that the stress on our relationship now can't get any worse, and I have to do something. I was told to break up with him. I don't want that. I don't want to loose him. I told him a long time ago that I want to be worth the fight. I feel if I do something that drastic that he's not going to realize what he lost, he'll be gone from my life forever. So once again, it's me making the sacrifice. Why is it always me doing the work? He won't have to give anything.
I'm so torn about all this that it's making me sick. I do love him with all my heart. I also want so much more that he can't give me. FUCK! I'm such a mess right now that I want to cry, but the tears won't come. As much as I want to be worth the fight, I don't want him doing something he's not ready for. That wouldn't fix anything either. I was told that he's ready to explode. He feels like a horse tied to a tree and trying so hard to break free. Something’s gotta give. Advice? Please don't give me the "if it's meant to be" line. Not everything in life can be put in God's hands. We have to make an effort too.
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first. Mark Twain [Samuel Langhornne Clemens] (1835-1910)
On his last visit we heard from numerous people that we should get married. I've also been told that I can't use his age an excuse anymore. I was informed that I could be dating a 40 year old that wasn't ready for things in life that I am, and it's very true. Problem being that I am ready for a family. Huge weight to put on any new relationship, and yes, I consider 6 months still new. He and I talked about it, and yes, he does want to marry me, in 3 years. That puts me at 35 going on 36. You know that line about the biological clock?!
I don't want to put any more pressure on him right now, but I really don't want to wait 3 years, but I also don't want to be with anyone else. Am I making any sense? He got enough grief about it from everyone on his visit that he's pulled way back. He has "things" that he wants to take care of first. It's not as though he doesn't love me, he does, and that’s got nothing to with it. He still calls and he still tells me he loves me. But it's like he's going through the motions because he feels like he has to. It's very different. I've told him that I feel the distance this time and he blew it off, but it's there.
So, I have to relieve the pressure on him. I was told that the stress on our relationship now can't get any worse, and I have to do something. I was told to break up with him. I don't want that. I don't want to loose him. I told him a long time ago that I want to be worth the fight. I feel if I do something that drastic that he's not going to realize what he lost, he'll be gone from my life forever. So once again, it's me making the sacrifice. Why is it always me doing the work? He won't have to give anything.
I'm so torn about all this that it's making me sick. I do love him with all my heart. I also want so much more that he can't give me. FUCK! I'm such a mess right now that I want to cry, but the tears won't come. As much as I want to be worth the fight, I don't want him doing something he's not ready for. That wouldn't fix anything either. I was told that he's ready to explode. He feels like a horse tied to a tree and trying so hard to break free. Something’s gotta give. Advice? Please don't give me the "if it's meant to be" line. Not everything in life can be put in God's hands. We have to make an effort too.
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first. Mark Twain [Samuel Langhornne Clemens] (1835-1910)
posted by alwaysd | 12:10 PM
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