Go Crazy

Ever think you're losing it? I think it all the time; actually, I'm starting to believe that it's already all gone. My father on the other hand would say that you have to have it before you can lose it. :) Frankly, if I never had it then I blame him for not sharing it. Ah yes, the blame game. It's never our own fault, is it?
I had a very rude awakening last night. I was on the phone with Brandon, and he and I were arguing, over something kind of stupid. But really, it hit me like a brick. I have so been here before. I have said in the past how similar he and Brett are. Well, they are a little too similar. As I listened to his ranting and ravings last night I finally got it. I was in this relationship eight years ago.
So, now is the big question. A asked me last night, if I had all the knowledge I do now regarding men and relationships but back before my marriage, would I still have married Brett? Without hesitation, No. Now Brett and Brandon are two different people. Brett did grow up some and mature a bit. Will Brandon? Will it be enough? Or is this just some fucked up karmic lesson?
Here's the other question she hit me with (which by the way I just now understand her point). If I knew that there was someone out there that was better than Brandon, had his own problems, but I had to wait for him, would I? Sneaky little thing, isn't she? Basically, what she was asking had to do with Brandon growing and maturing. See, everyone that has met him says he's a good guy; he just has some growing up to do.
In the end, it really doesn’t matter. He’s not here. But I understand what she was getting at. (Took me long enough huh?)