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I have got to find a way out of this rut. I go on day to day and fake smile after smile. I've gotten really good at pretending. Unfortunately it only makes everything worse. Here are three things that I know I need to move on 1) start exercising again 2) meditate more and 3) more work with P. Problem being with my mood the way it is I have absolutely no movtivation. I'm well aware that if I just do it then I'll feel somewhat better. It won't fix everything, but it's a start. I just never do. So I'm right back where I started. It's the full circle of hell.