Thanks guys

I'm going to be a bit frank with you today. The language won't be bad, just honest. I had to endure a conversation last night between BR and A that didn't bother me completely, but I kinda wish I hadn't heard. See A has this fasination with breasts. She is always pointing out ones that look fake or watching plastic surgery shows about implants. At one point about 2 weeks ago she asked BR about his ex and what she looked liked. He told her that she had blonde hair, blue eyes, slim figure, and big breasts. The topic was dropped at that point, but it obviously stuck with her. See I fit that description, minus the big breasts. So she asked him his preferences last night big, average, small, fake, or real? Of coarse his preference is real and big. He told her about one ex of his that got implants and how weird they were. She asked what it was about big ones that he liked. Plain and simple it's his comfort zone. To lay on her chest and be surrounded by her like that is very secure for him. (Kinda makes me think that breast feeding was the only time in his life that he's felt safe.) Anyway. He went on to tell her that if he just saw me on the street that he wouldn't give me a second look, but that's not what matters. He said he feels perfectly secure cuddled up with me. That it's my "innerbility", as he puts it, that matters most, and he wouldn't change a thing. She was impressed by the fact that he was still seeing me even though I don't fit his preference. They then went on to discuss inner beauty and outer beauty. I tell you what though, there's nothing like having to sit there while your roommate and boyfriend discuss your breasts and whether or not they're good enough. I just got up and poured myself a strong drink.

Moving in

So A asked BR and I last night if we want to rent the condo from her. She is either going to rent it out or sell it and offered us the option first. Very sweet of her. Issue... am I ready to live with BR yet? We've been going out for 3 months now and, yes, he is there every night anyway. This is different though. It would mean a more solid commitment. Now if he pisses me off I just kick him out. :) I've only lived with 2 guys in my life and I was engaged to both at the time. When I said that to BR last night his reply was that we wouldn't be. DUH! I was only trying to make the point that this is a very serious move for me, if it happens. So I drilled him pretty good last night on where he wants to be career wise, relationship wise, and in life in general. I asked him to define the woman he wants to marry, his ideal relationship, and how he views our relationship. To be very honest, the thought of marriage again scares the hell out of me. He brings it up all the time, but last night I enforced the fact that I was being very serious. No joking around. He was actually very good with it all. He could tell how the thought got to me and took the time to listen and answer all my questions. I'm kinda suprised he's still talking to me today and hasn't run for the hills. Fact of the matter is that any move forward is going to scare me. The other fact is that nothing is happening right now. A was just throwing out an idea. She doesn't have anything else lined up yet. As she said last night, if it's supposed to happen, then it will when it's right for all of us. She's kind of a smart girl ya know.

My state of the union

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the "Peanuts" comic strip. You don't have to actually answer the questions.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winner for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners?

How did you do?
The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.
Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

Easier?
The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care.

A very good friend of mine emailed this to me a few days ago. It set me off on a couple of my soapboxes. I'll do my best to keep it brief, but I have got to get it off my chest.
1) I hate turning on the news or going to my yahoo page and the headlining item is how Paramount fired Tom Cruise or Lindsey Lohan is always late to work. I believe I heard the other day that we have now been in Iraq longer than we were in WWII. South Korea, China, and North Korea are having nuclear weapons talks. Today Israel said it would lift the blockade after the Lebanese army and the bolstered international force take control of the country's ports and borders to prevent Hezbollah guerrillas from importing new arms. I don't give a fuck who Jessica Simpson is banging now.
2) Ever pay attention to how the media reports a bombing in one of the many countries we are patrolling? Listen closely and everytime they say " 32 people died today, 7 of which were American." As if the fact that the others lives weren't American they mean anything less. Human beings are human beings. Every single life is priceless and irreplaceable. My state of the union is grim. Less and less people take the time just to be polite anymore. We aren't seen as human beings. We're simply seen as something in the way of what they want or where they need to be. The media's excuse for not telling us what's going on in the world is that we don't want to hear it. There is a line in Hotel Rwanda about how we hear the news, say how sad it is, and go back to eating our dinner. I don't know how we can live with ourselves at that point. The only way this world has a chance is if we all get off our asses and do something. One voice can make a difference. One million voices can make changes.

Paranoia

Ever have that gut feeling that a bomb is about to drop. Come on you know what I'm talking about. It's that sensation that something is just not right. You can't quite put your finger on it and that's the most frustrating part. Then (if you're me anyway) you start becoming over sensitive to everything. You're looking to hard to find out what the hell is going on. You've backed off from everyone to try to see it. You're very much on edge and can't take even the slightest joke. Then (if you're me again) you've made a mountain out of a mole hill. I believe firmly in self manifestations. If you believe something bad is going to happen strong enough, then something bad will happen. I'm one hell of a pro at blowing things out of proportion. As optimistic as I try being, somehow I always expect the worst. I believe in trusting my gut, it's usually right. It's when my head gets a hold of that gut that paranoia takes over. I've said before that I hate not knowing, looks as though I have no choice. (Just be grateful you're not me.)

In need of a laugh

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen. The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin. Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Sorry, I know that I haven't written much lately. Seriously though, do you want to hear me whine and complain or laugh so hard you cry?

The Twilight Zone

You might have something to say that isn't easily verbalized, yet language is still the best vehicle for now. The problem is that actions won't speak louder than words today, for it is unlikely that you can demonstrate what you are feeling. There is great intensity in your words, but the circumstances of your conversation may require you to take it quite slowly. You can safely rely on your determination to make sure that you'll reach your destination.

That is my horoscope for today. Sometimes those things hit closer to home than I like. I know that relationships aren't always easy, but damn. I'm 32 and done playing games. Been there, done that, and threw the freakin T shirt away. My patience is being tested right now. Tell me something, do all of you guys keep it bottled up? Emotions, I mean. Do you all expect us to be able to read minds? Can any of you communicate? Sorry, but I got dumped the other day. Via text message, for something I didn't even know was bothering him. 24 or not, none of that's right. I got him to talk to me and we are still together, but he's on very shaky ground right now. I don't how to demonstrate what I'm feeling, when I don't know what I'm feeling. Warning to anyone that decides to piss me off today... It won't be pretty.

Once upon a time...

I'm not sure which topic to write about today. BR and I discussed a few things yesterday. Here's a run down. 1) I wouldn't discuss my finances with him so to him that means that I'm not in this for the long term. 2) How neither him nor I will talk about our problems with the other. 3) How he really feels about this blog, and 4) whether or not Prince Charming exsists.
Eeny, Meeny, Miny...Eh Moe! .. 4. I have said many a time how nothing and no one is perfect. I don't expect it and I really don't want it because I know that I can't live up to it either. I don't believe in Prince Charming and Happily Ever After. I used to, but I got really tired of looking for something that doesn't exsist. They tell you to write a list of all the qualities you want in the person you're looking for. You have to be exact because you'll get it. I have found that there isn't one person that holds every single one of those qualities. Why, because no one is perfect. That doesn't mean that I'm not a romantic to the utmost extreme. I am. When I'm watching sappy movies or hear lyrics in a song I still think "I want that." It's not out there though. Ever sit there watching a movie and say to yourself "Yeah right, that's stupid. No one would do that." Well, that's why it's a movie. None of it is real. What's real takes communication, compromise, trust (that's earned not just given), patience, honesty, faith, hope, love, and sometimes a bit of work. Nothing in life is easy and handed to you in a glass slipper. It just doesn't work that way. I'm not saying that you have to settle either though. BR always talks about how there are things you decide if you can live with or not. That's what you have to decide. How important is it? Pick your battles right and you can win the war.
What matters to me is that I believe in him, and I believe in what we have. It's better than any Prince Charming or castle in a far away land. It's real.

Expanding horizons

Ok, I found the guy, next on the list was a new job. Well, I had the interview this morning. Monday through Friday, 8-5. Full benefits that start when I start, and more money. If this all works out it will completely rock! It's for a major company though that has government contracts. I have never filled out a more extensive application. Job history that goes back 10 years, and not just the basics, they want to know it all. Seriously, it me 2 hours to finish the online application. Then I had to sign my life away so they could dig up all my skeletons. She told me that she had one more interview this afternoon and would be deciding by tomorrow. Then they start the background check, criminal record, driving record, credit history, and drug testing. You'd think I was going to work for the National Security Agency. Oh well. Keep fingers crossed and say your prayers. I know I am. I really want this.

I didn't vote for the fucker...

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk to the kids to get a little PR.

After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him his name. "Stanley," responds the little
boy. "And what is your question, Stanley?" "I have four questions."
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second,why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third,
whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?
Fourth, why are we so worried about gay marriage when 1/2 of all Americans
don't have health insurance? Just then, the bell rings for recess.
George Bush inform the kids that they will continue after recess.
When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh, that's right,
question time. Who has a question?" Another little boy puts up his
hand. George points him out and asks him his name. "Steve" he
responds. "And what is your question, Steve?" "Actually, I have six questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second,why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth, why are we so
worried about gay marriage when 1/2 of all Americans don't have health
insurance? Fifth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early? And sixth, what the hell happened to Stanley?"

Kids

A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand.
"That's a serious step," he said. "Have you thought it out completely?"
"Yes," his young son answered."We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark."
"How about transportation?" the father asked.
"I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles," the little boy answered.
The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.
Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, "What about babies? When you're married, you're liable to have babies, you know."
"We've thought about that, too," the little boy replied. "We're not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on it!"

Ummm...Yeah, right

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